the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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