My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
