Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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