Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
