I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
