The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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