don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
third nipple confirmed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
