My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
