Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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