He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
