I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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