got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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