Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
