Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
