thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize