Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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