WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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