you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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