i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
