i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
