Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
