But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
