You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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