I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
