I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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