I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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