I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
