I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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