i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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