idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
