it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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