My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think I am morally bankrupt
my sisters under your porch take her home
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
