So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
