So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
