Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
