so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
