he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
