I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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