I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your cock deserves a montage
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
