i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
