I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
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im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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