I want to have your abortion
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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