Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
