He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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