I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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