I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
