help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
