Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
