i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
