i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
