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Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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