I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
