Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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