I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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