New invention idea: vibrating tampons
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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