You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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