so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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