No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
