Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
