Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
