he wants to bone in the snuggie
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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