I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
