i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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