The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
