Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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