well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
