singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
