"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
