Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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