can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
