.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Randomize
