I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
