I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
