the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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