I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
