woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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