1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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