I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
