Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
