dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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