then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
