so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
