im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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