im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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