I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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