I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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